New-new

well, i've been thinking for a while, doing some uh self evaluating, reading over these blog posts,mine and others. And i've been realizing that my posts have been depressing and angry. At the time i couldn't help but to posts things like that here. I felt like, well still do, that this is my only outlet that will extract my feelings without judgement. Also not many read it so its like i'm not telling anyone....idk...weird. so yeah this 1 will be different. itll be different for now on. this one will be a tad light hearted.

ehh hem (clears throat) Let me begin.

I NO LONGER GIVE A FUCK. =).....wooo isn't that a breath of fresh air

ok...let me elaborate.

I say that to mean....i don't care bout shit anymore

only the important stuff like college and work and crap.

everything and everybody else can jump off a bridge. I wouldn't wish it on them but if it happens to occur...hey what can i do?

oh yeah...i smoke....sue me

only on occasion tho

not on some heavy shit

sad part bout it i HATE MALES THAT SMOKE....well not guy friends but guys im "with"..it isn't a good characteristic to me

and i dont think girls that smoke are cute....ehh but the exception is ME =D

Oh yea i drink too....prefer that

clothes....and kicks....dont matta to me anymore

well they do

but theyre not as important to me as b4

well clothes still are

kicks...ehh....i like shoes...boots =D

Another thing...guys suck

gimmie a white boy

matta fact gimmie some one that knows how to treat a girlie....old fashioned way

=]

i got a G1....shit smooth no G.

Where the hoes at?

Is there something wrong with me?

Come please, I'm calling

hurry, I'm falling, I'm falling

at the edge. brink of life and death. what do i choose? I JUMP. 

You ever go some where and not feel comfortable. Like your presence doesn't make a difference? Yea well, in my case, the place i am the most isn't what it should be. Walking up the hill to my building is like walking back to your cell after your outside time is over. Its like me being here is pointless... my existence doesn't matter nor is cared for. Sometimes i just wanna keep walking past it...then i look in my wallet. DRY. Then i look at my phone. i ring the bell. =[. 

I find my self looking forward to the end of the world sometimes. which is weird to me because I'm terrified of death. But the thought of my spirit being able to lie with the stars is more beautiful than any Picasso or Van-goh painting. So free and lively. I think of it now as tears come to my eyes. I long for that. But being here, in this rut, is my reality. REALITY SUCKS. Because reality sucks....i get lost. I get lost in music. I get lost in fun. I get lost in work. Just to get away from crap. Yea you're thinking "you can run all want "Ari" the problem is still gonna be there". FUCK YOU. I know that dumb assess. i don't care. running from issues works for me. so take your inhibitions. i know nothing i said has to do with inhibitions but i don't care.

Another thing. 

                         I'm lonely. & I don't like it. They always say you have to learn how to be by yourself. I know how to be by myself. that isn't the issue. I just don't like being by myself. i want someone/people to take me to new heights. see new things. do new things. talk about new things. I need someone/people that actually listen. That isn't/aren't closed minded. That wont try to make feel stupid or inferior. That wont negate me. Someone/people that will take me OUTER SPACE( love that song by the way). i used to have that... that's a different story.

nite nite

P.S...... DOGS DO NOT NEED JACKETS A SHOES. COME ON PEOPLE.

OH YEAH......umm....i usually don't do this...uh OK I'm lying.

Just some thoughts

Its 11:04 pm. Do you know where your children are? I'm about to wash my hair. Kind of late right? I know. I've been procrastinating. I'm going to get to that later. Umm. WE INTERRUPT THIS SHOW TO BRING YOU THIS. 1st thought of the night and some comments. What is wrong with the female species these days. It seems to me that minute after minute, the female gets more emotional. Its annoying because we're emotional creatures to begin with. That plus more emotion equals DANGER. I catch myself getting emotional sometimes. I quickly try to tap into my "guy" side and shut all that gushy shit out. Sometimes I can't help it. I AM HUMAN. But damn it seem like all the other girls just let these emotions take control. Then they wanna shut people out that didn't do anything to them. That is what peeves me the most. You're feeling bad? OK. But don't give me your ass to kiss. Because I DEFINITELY WONT. You could hop off a bridge if you want. Ill still go to your funeral and say how much of a "good and caring person you was". Psshhh. Next thought. Where the fuck is the romance guys? Did that shit just disappear off the face of the earth? What happened to wanting to take a girl out. Buy her a few things. Instead we get a trip to the free crib and you expect us to be ecstatic. NEGATIVE. I like to be wined and dined. I'm just a hopeless romantic I guess. Next thought. I really dislike overly judgemental people. I think its rude and uncalled for. Everyone has their flaws. You don't have to pick at them 24/7. DAMN. Another thought. DON'T IGNORE ME. The fuck. YOU TELL ME YOU WANNA TALK TO ME THEN YA ASS GETS DISTRACTED for whatever dumb ass so called "REASON". UGH THAT'S FUCKING ANNOYING. That one just popped up. I've really stressed and out of focus (if that makes sense). These college things and stuff is crazy. Don't think I'm ready and i feel people look down on me. Next thought. I need more GUY friends. Girls are too much work. Next thought. MURDA MOOK WON THAT BATTLE BETWEEN HIM AND SERIOUS JONES. Next thought. I NEED TO GET AWAY. Somewhere I've never been. Somewhere no one knows me. Next thought. I often wonder who likes me and who doesn't and why?. Idk. Its interesting to know. Last thought of the night i guess. I gotta wash my hair. This is the most important one i guess. This election coming up is EXTREMELY IMPORTANT. Its the most historical as well. We have OBAMA vs MCCAIN. What i really want to talk about is the plot to kill Obama. There are many, many plots to kill him. AND IT PISSES ME OFF. This country is full of IGNORANT BIGOTS. It amazes me to see that in hundreds of years since slavery, we've come this far to just go backwards. We are on a downward spiral straight into hell and i don't want to be here when the ground begins to open up. Its a scary thought because if OBAMA wins, there are going to be race riots. It will not be safe for black people anywhere. These crazy ignorant bastards planned on shooting up a black school. WTF. This is insane. It really causes me pain and heartache to think about the kind of people that live in this country. Well that's all for tonight. We will return back to your scheduled programming.

homecomming

Well i been off this blog ish for a little over a week... almost 2. If you thought shit couldn't go drastically wrong in a weeks time... YOU ARE MISTAKEN. This has been the worst, absolute worst, week of my 17 years of living. Things happened that i could barely recover from. Im not talking about failing a test or missing the bus....I'm talking about having your heart trampled on by a pair of asolos. Then chewed up. Blew some bubbles. Spit out into the sewer. Worst part about that is i couldn't get enough. I cant help myself. I'm still riding. Towards the end of the week things got a little better. Im confused tho. I hate confusion. Trust is a now an even bigger issue. The weekend was great. This is the reunion it should have been only w/o the tears. Until next time....... 

A day off: realizations

OK. So there's no school for public school students today due to the Jewish holiday of Yom Kippur. So I'm home relaxing watching the CW11 morning line up. You know 2 episodes of Maury, Jerry Springer (which i slept through), and The Steve Wilkos Show. Now I'm the Steve Wilkos show and I'm getting upset. The topic is dead beat dads. Its always the women who go on there crying and hyperventilating talking about how their drug dealing boyfriends don't help them with their babies. My heart goes out to them of course, but i think they are stupid in the first place to lay down and make a child with someone like that. Babies sometimes change men, having a baby makes them want to be a better man. But in reality that doesn't happen to often. So maybe they need to be a lil more selective as to who they sleep with because you never know what can happen. Don't get me wrong I'm not blaming it TOTALLY on the women, majority of the situation is the mens fault. They need to step the fuck and take care of their kids. What goes on in their head that makes them not want to take care of their kids. It just doesn't make much sense to me. The shit that really tripped me out was the topic for tomorrow's episode. A man's 4 yr old daughter was taken to the doctor. Turns out she has an STD. He has the same STD she has. THE MOTHER DOESNT CARE. WTF?? What the hell is going through your damn head to have you have sex with your 4 year old daughter and then give her an STD. And to have her mother still lay up with this man like nothing is wrong is disgusting. WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO? Im seriously scared as to the world my kids will be living. Shit getting serious. We out here playing games like everything gonna be fine and dandy. WAKE THE FUCK UP PEOPLE!!

Um yeah

Feeling some type of way. Just gonna listen to some angry Philly Battle Rap. Maybe that'll take my mind off of things. ::watches video, raps along:: Nope still thinking about shit. Hmm what'll work? Anyway I was on the train at the 125Th train stop and as it was passing through the station (it's outside) I was looking at the horizon where the tall co-op looking buildings were and i thought "This will all be gone one day... what will become of us?" Ehh just a thought. "Ill leave you brain dead on some mental shit, I'm on some other shit". Just gonna talk to myself for the rest of the night. Got a LONG conversation ahead of me. Hehe. Nite. 

Ps. Going to get back to really "posting" as soon as my days start looking up. NEED TO SHOP. New things always make me happy. Want some new friends too. Any takers? www.myspace.com/imohsoharlem (hate that URL but hey can't change it =/) Oh yeah gonna need a prom date... kinda early i know but hey gotta start looking now.....HIT ME UP...i get bored. Also wants another piercing and two tattoos b4 school ends. ANY IDEAS. I'm just rambling now at this point. Just bored. A little lonely. This the longest PS ever. I DONT CARE. Don't like it? Fuck off and don't read it. That was mean. I'm sorry. Feel free to come back anytime. Been feeling a little delayed. Niggas give me deep throat on speed boats the weed smoke that we smoke while we coast make me flow.... I sound a lil crazy right? ehh shit happens. Thats my motto for tonight.... shit happens. Gonna take me a bottle of BAILEYS and chill. Empty bed =/. UGH. Getting sick and tired of being sick and tired. Got questions? ASK EM. Later. (don't ask the questions later dumb assess i mean later as in talk to you later)

Burning Bridges

I do it for a reason. Sometimes. Burning bridges. If you don't know what that means it means cutting people off, disregarding their existence, so on and so forth. Some people I've cut off for my own good. Other I've cut off for their own good. I don't like what some people have become. And they might not like what I've become. Oh well so be it. Life does go on. Sometimes i feel bad you know. I've grown with some of these people. And to have to cut them off hurts sometimes. Its gotten to the point where even their sheer presence irks my nerves. Others I've just stopped speaking to. I don't know exactly why. I just don't have anything to really say to them. So since i have nothing to say, I say nothing. Works out in a way. They always say "you'll regret it". Well life is about regret so FUCK OFF. I'm genuinely very nice but i don't like to be toyed with. I don't think anyone does. You're NOT going to be nice when you want and treat me like shit when you're feeling low. I'm not gonna try and be around you if you don't fucking know if you want to be alone or not. SICK OF BEING "there" for people. Whenever i do begin talking about myself (which is not often) people's attention is usually diverted to something else. Don't wanna listen to me FINE. But when your ass is on the brink of killing yourself I hope you tie that noose tight enough, don't want you to slip out now do we?Oh yeah don't forget to blame the world in your suicide note. Dumb trick. Sounds kind of harsh. Im sorry. Kind of. Just not in the best of moods as you can clearly see. Just a tired of getting the short end of the stick sometimes. Can i have the WHOLE stick... just once?. Sheesh. Now i feel better. Sorta. On a lighter note, Im thinking about cutting my hair shorter. Those who know me, let me know what you think.