hurry, I'm falling, I'm falling
at the edge. brink of life and death. what do i choose? I JUMP.
You ever go some where and not feel comfortable. Like your presence doesn't make a difference? Yea well, in my case, the place i am the most isn't what it should be. Walking up the hill to my building is like walking back to your cell after your outside time is over. Its like me being here is pointless... my existence doesn't matter nor is cared for. Sometimes i just wanna keep walking past it...then i look in my wallet. DRY. Then i look at my phone. i ring the bell. =[.
I find my self looking forward to the end of the world sometimes. which is weird to me because I'm terrified of death. But the thought of my spirit being able to lie with the stars is more beautiful than any Picasso or Van-goh painting. So free and lively. I think of it now as tears come to my eyes. I long for that. But being here, in this rut, is my reality. REALITY SUCKS. Because reality sucks....i get lost. I get lost in music. I get lost in fun. I get lost in work. Just to get away from crap. Yea you're thinking "you can run all want "Ari" the problem is still gonna be there". FUCK YOU. I know that dumb assess. i don't care. running from issues works for me. so take your inhibitions. i know nothing i said has to do with inhibitions but i don't care.
Another thing.
I'm lonely. & I don't like it. They always say you have to learn how to be by yourself. I know how to be by myself. that isn't the issue. I just don't like being by myself. i want someone/people to take me to new heights. see new things. do new things. talk about new things. I need someone/people that actually listen. That isn't/aren't closed minded. That wont try to make feel stupid or inferior. That wont negate me. Someone/people that will take me OUTER SPACE( love that song by the way). i used to have that... that's a different story.
nite nite
P.S...... DOGS DO NOT NEED JACKETS A SHOES. COME ON PEOPLE.
OH YEAH......umm....i usually don't do this...uh OK I'm lying.
